August 23, 2013

My sweet Blake.  In just a few days you will start the journey of kindergarten.  How we’ve come so quickly from diapers and Dora the Explorer to a little girl who is embarking on a journey that requires less of me than I prefer is astounding to me.

 Part of me is excited for you.  You seems so ready for this next step.  You love friends and learning and having a routine.  You are smart and outgoing.  WhenI ask if you are ready for school you always reply, “I’m excited, but a little nervous too.”  There is a part of me that is sad.  Sad that you will enter a world where I won’t be right there to make sure kids don’t say things that I know aren’t true.  That maybe there will be a time you get in trouble and your little feelings melt and I won’t know till the school day is over.  That you will no longer learn songs and stories that invlove Jesus and his great example of how to lead a life while you are at school.  It makes me wonder if I’ve done enough.

 We’ve only had 5 years to get ready, and now it doesn’t seem so long.  Did we talk enough about how there are kids that aren’t always nice?  And how to repond with mercy and know that maybe their home isn’t like our home?   Did we talk about how there may be another kid who doesn’t dress or talk or look like you and how it’s our job to be a friend to those kids, too?  Most of all have you seen me show grace, mercy and kindness to those around me to know it’s not just words I say but how I live a life?  Will you remember the times I let frustration overtake me and you saw anger instead of peace?  I can only hope that you saw the good and quickly forgot the bad. 

I wonder if the evening hours will be long enough for us to fit in all that a day requires and still have a little for just me and you.   It makes me so thankful for all the sacrifices Daddy and I were able to make to ensure that we’ve spent as much time with you as possible these first 5 years.  Like I told you the other day, spending time with you and Kate is my all time favorite thing….and I meant it. Even if I can’t always stop and play or work on art with you, it’s always a joy when I can.   The days we’ve spent doing a million fun things or the days we spent curled up on the couch watching a movie we’d already watched 10 times, they were all worth it. 

I hope you stay the same.   The exact same girl you have been these first 5 years.   I know it will take work and me sometimes being the bad guy, but I’m willing to do just that if it means your little heart and spririt are guarded.  I pray you will be a light to those around you.  That the kids will know they can look to you for encouragement, a friend to sit with at lunch or play with on the playground.  And I hope there are friends in your class that will do the same for you if you need it. 

Yes, it seems too soon.  No, I’m not ready, not really.  But I will smile while I get you ready, smile while we walk to school and smile while we drop you off in your classroom.  I give no promises after that.  But for this first day as far as you know Mommy is only proud, not scared.  I’m sure the days will pass and years will make me jumping for joy that the school year is beginning…and I’m excited for that phase too.  You are my littlest best friend and I can’t wait to pick you up and see you grinning ear to ear ready to tell me about all you’ve learned and all the friends you’ve met. 

Love,

Mommy