This month has been the biggest whirlwind of emotions,
decisions and faith that I’ve ever had. I
want to try to put into words what God has been teaching me and what our family
is going through, without divulging too much personal information.
This story goes back many years. Actually before Jaxon was born. I have always felt that I would be called to
help a child that is not my own. I would
see friends fostering or adopting and think, “Yes, that is what the Lord will
ask of me someday.” I trusted that it
would be revealed to me without question.
That I just needed to be patient.
There are 5 prayers I have written in my bible. Prayers that are ongoing throughout the years…this
answer to this prayer makes 4 out of 5 fulfilled. I wrote this one in July of 2010 and have
prayed over it ever since. I do have to
be realistic and laugh at myself for my idealized version of what I thought
helping a child would look like in real life.
It’s much more emotional, much more complicated that I could begin to
understand when I wrote that prayer.
Aside from that I see BIG ways God has lined up our life to
this month to be able to accept Jax.
Some of you know last year was a hard year for my marriage. We struggled. But 2015 has been a year of rebuilding and
enjoying our marriage again. Nick and I
look back and just can’t even fathom how far we are from one year ago. We truly were restored to an even closer
place than we had ever been. I’m so
glad we are both committed to each other and to our family. That being said, if this opportunity had
arisen last year we wouldn’t have been able to help, we were in our own
crisis.
Another way we see God’s hand is Nick’s new job. Nick was in a job he hated. His mind and body were worn down by the stress
of it all. Nick was able to leave his
old job the week Jax came to us.
Without too many details I want to tell you we have known
Jax since he was a baby, actually while his mother was pregnant with him,
though we had been out of contact with his mother since he was about 1. Bringing him into our home has been
beautiful and brutal. Beautiful
because I see our family showing him love and joy and Jesus. He is so happy to be here. He laughs and smiles and plays all day
long. His health is much improved over
where he was 3 weeks ago. It’s been
difficult to adjust our family to 4 kids.
We look around and just think, “Dang, that’s a lot of kids!” and it is!!
And LOUD! My house is wreck,
there’s really little to no reason to even try to clean it. Hard because kids need to sleep....and it took a few weeks to get the hang of that in a new place. Completely understandable, but exhausting none the less. It seems for a while one of us would be
having a harder day with the adjustment each day. We’ve all taken turns. I’m happy to say that the girls are so
helpful and LOVE him so much. They get
so proud of him when he uses the potty or stays in his bed at night. They are his cheerleaders. And, oh yeah, he’s a boy. Which we have NO experience with. Thank goodness for neighbors with boys that I
can ask “Is that normal??” several times
a week . (and it usually is, thank
goodness.)
There are still things that have to be put into place for us
to be able to keep him on a longer term basis.
I don’t want to make those public, but we would appreciate your prayers
for those. Honestly, we don’t know what
the future holds. What we have committed
to right now is doing what we feel is best for him each day. Praying that God will provide what he needs
and what we need for him to be safe and healthy and happy. We trust the Lord, we always have, and we
trust him with this.
Your encouragement means so much. My work family who has put up with my
struggle to find childcare help, I appreciate it, you guys see my heart, and
not my annoying call-ins. Friends
giving us clothes, diapers, toys…we are so thankful. My sweet cousin for encouraging me to take this leap of faith when I wanted to put my head in the sand and act like God wasn't asking this of me. My Mom for the daily phonecalls to cry or vent, she is my forever cheerleader and I am SO thankful for her. Our CPS worker who has bent over backwards to help us in this transition. He works long hours, has Jax's best interest in mind and will answer my late night frenzied texts with a reassuring phone call. He needs a medal. My sweet sweet husband. Who is so patient while this little man is needing so much of my attention. I repay him with sleeping in and naps.
So that's our month. We are here and we are in one piece.
Proverbs 21:13
Whoever shuts their ears to the cry of the poor
will also cry out and not be answered.
Psalm 82:3
Defend the weak and the fatherless;
uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.
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